c0llect1ve [ 131774 ]

Mental Soundtrack - 02.17.06

2006-02-17T08:41:00.000-08:00

i hate women. i hate them all.

something - beatles
daniel - elton john
sun showers - m.i.a.
juke box hero - foreigner
i can't wake up to save my life - richard thompson

Mental Soundtrack for 02.16.06

2006-02-16T14:24:00.000-08:00

In order of (multiple) appearance (thus far):

khoomei - huun-huur-tu
no quarter - led zepplin
lebanese blonde - theivery corporation
bound for the floor - local h (don't ask)
love rollercoaster - the ohio players
sun showers - m.i.a.
give it to me baby - rick james

social ineptitude

2006-02-15T18:50:00.000-08:00

The real beauty of this post...I'm sending it from my phone during a school lecture.
There is a stark irony that I recently have become acutely aware of concerning myself. I have developed an intense fear of socialization when confronted with groups of large numbers. This lecture not excluded, I seem to always become extremely self-conscious and generally tend exclude myself from others...even my friends. I'm not quite sure why, but I assure you it is very real. When did this pervasive disquietude take over my psyche? I used to be very social, now I am terrified. Terrified. This is probably just a manifestation of my insecurity. No doubt. I don't see myself getting over it anytime soon, I will simply learn to cope. Unfortunately this fear of social spaces leads to a lot of other neuroses that perhaps I will go into at a later date. For now, I will just cower in fear, fuming with unjustified, pretentious, quiet, jealous anger in the corner on the floor. Everyone sitting in front of me listening attentively...go to hell.

Mental Soundtrack for 02.15.2006 in order of (multiple) appearance.
(it has been a blank brain day)

something - Beatles, written by George Harrison
across the universe - Fiona Apple cover of the Beatles tune
honkey cat - Elton John
something (2)

4 things

2006-02-12T13:23:00.000-08:00

samir...damn your inclusive attempts

4 Jobs

– Architect intern (i.e. leftover work bitch). Paying my dues, waiting for the gurad to leave the keys on the desk.

– Inventory Prep Team at Borders: at work at seven, store doesn't open till 10. Peace, quiet, and all the books, films, and CDs you could indulge in for ages.

- Inventory Control Coordinator: managed a mere $15M in computer components. Long hours, good pay, good benefits, the best aspect was making me realize that architecture is where i have to be.

– Tower Records...self explanatory.

4 Movies (off the top of my head)

– Koyanisqaatsi
– Pink Panther
– Ali G - In Da House
– High-Class Eurosluts 7

4 Places I’ve Lived

– new orleans
– houston burb=katy
– cairo
– chicago

4 TV Shows

– scrubs
– arressted development
– CSI
– L&O

4 Vacations

– Antarctica/Patagonia
– South Africa...and stay this time.
– Bhutan
– Mongolia/Tuva

4 Foods

– Falafel, from Abdou in the Khan el Kalili
– Fajitas.
– popcorn
– Tahini

4 Places I’d Rather Be

– anywhere but houston
– Cape Town
– Chang Mei
– Cairo

4 Sites

– bldgblog
– cokemachineglow
– l.a. times
– archinect

4 Bloggers with some meme-ingful work ahead

-I don't know any other bloggers than Samir and Adam.

11.16.05 - 27 yrs. (day one)

2006-02-12T13:00:00.000-08:00

How can a person with, admittedly, a huge ego, hate himself so much? I hate everything about myself. I hate my body, my face, my hair. I hate my brain because it makes me feel awkward. I despise my knowledge because it ostracizes me. I loathe my sense of humor because it is incomprehensible. I blindly fear my self-confidence although it does not exist to be feared, and none can be procured. I pity my temperament because women infer that I am not a man. I hate fear because it rules my interpersonal world. I hate my depression because it banished my confidence and subjugates my friendships. I abhor my self-esteem because it enslaves me to loneliness. I harbor intense enmity for my standards because they inevitably lead to my rejection. I hate my sensitivity because it makes all those rejections unbearable.

Everything I do appears to be a joke to everyone else. Pagliacci. Where did I go? I want me back. The old me was more fun, carefree, relaxed, and soaked in self confidence. I want my life returned to sender in a way that pains me.

The old me was a farce too.

paul harvey

2006-02-09T10:13:00.000-08:00

A few strange Paul Harvey-isms on Valentine's day:

In Connecticut's capital, it is illegal to kiss on Sunday.
It is illegal for any man with a mustache to kiss anyone in Indiana.

primacy, progression, and print

2006-02-08T17:36:00.000-08:00

Recently I have been reading through a collection of essays of Marshall McLuhan, titled Unbound, beautifully collected and presented by Gingko Press. Differing greatly from McLuhan's large volume book publications the essay are relatively short (30-40 pages perhaps). Interestingly enough, McLuhan himself once said that, "The essay is for exploring; the book, for explaining". How utterly succinct. The essays are opening my eyes even wider to the power of the media and the medium in the delivery and translation of information. Merely the idea that the written phonetic alphabet, as nonsensical collection of representational sounds, strung together to create meaning, culled from a society that originated within a purely auditory sense of communication, is astounding. Writing is a silent way of documenting an auditory process...wow! We all know this somewhere deep inside ourselves, but when you actually read the words, process them to audio, and ultimately comprehend them in conceptual terms, it is easy to be overwhelmed at print and the societal impact of Gutenberg's triumph.

Fear

2006-02-05T13:04:00.000-08:00

It rules my tiny little mental universe.